I have been a bit absent lately...
I really haven't posted anything " running" wise in quite a while.
birthday posts,
pictures,
some reflective posts...
but as far as running...
recovering...
not so much!
I have many other was of describing my mood, but quite frankly...does anyone really care? I would think deep down not! To keep it real, we all have our issues...we all have our injuries...and we all have our ways of dealing with them. and I have been quiet...that's my way!
I have been a bit "blogless' lately because...seriously...
how can you write an entry when you have
nothing
to
share,
period...
or at least that is how is seems..."in the running world" that is...
no run to talk about...
no vlog to watch or laugh at...
no issues to question...
problems to seek advice to...
no "time" to get you pumped, or reflect upon, or get pissed at...
no great nothing...
I was waiting!
I had been strong...
i had been patient...
i had been diligent...
i had been positive...
I had been trusting...
at least, I thought I had been...
I was so excited to run just a mile and lose my breath...huff and puff and feel so exhilerated by it. So ready to accept all kinds of advice, tips and stories from those who inspire me and keep me driven...which is all of you out there reading this btw..so thrilled to feel athletic, strong and confident in myself...finally once again!
So satisfied with my attitude of recovering from a HUGE setback...for me at least...and find out that I could be...and am stronger in the end!
I mean, don't you stop for red...
wait patiently during yellow...
and then race through green and not look back?
wait patiently during yellow...
and then race through green and not look back?
What happened to my green light?
I'm not saying that I wasn't aware of pain still existing...or issues still unresolved. I just figured that it may just be my body, or my mind creating it...and once on the road again and sore muscles worked through...and body and mind back in the game, I would forget about the pain, and issues...and all would be back to "normal"I'm just saying...
So, when I walked into my 7 month post-op on march 16th, 2012 at exactly 1:50 in the afternoon...what I wasn't expecting was...
No, not yet...
I don't think that would be a good idea...
let's work on this and that...
come back to see me in 3 months rather than the typical 6 at this point to re-evaluate.
some people just run into more issues along the way...
you have some unique things happening in your body that isn't allowing recovery to happen at the normal rate...
if there are still problems, we'll take more images, a possibility of an injection to calm it...
we really don't want to have to go back in and "release" the psoas...
that will cause long term weakness, and we don't want that!
The psoas? Really?
trust me...wear more clothes...
 |
| Don't be fooled...they go deeper...and lower... into your WOMANHOOD!!! |
This mf is keeping me from what i really, really, need want to do right now?
What I desire for my sanity at this point?
where is my release?
Does it really matter?
Will it define me as a person, runner, teacher, wife, mother??? No! Of course not. But what it will do is create a sense of calmness that I have been patiently waiting for...
provide me an outlet no one can understand but the ones reading this post right now...
or encouragement that nothing...nothing...ever, ever will get in the way of keeping me down,
make me submiss,
or surrender to weakness.
I
am
not
weak...
But, I am disappointed.
And that's all...just disappointed.
not pissed,
not aggravated...
not defeated...
just plain ole disappointed.
and life will
go
on...
I will continue PT...I will continue to listen...
I will continue to read your blogs for inspiration and motivation and reprieve...
but...in my opinion right now...
or"psoas I was saying"...
HIPS
SUCK!
a four letter word!!!
Has anyone ever had additional difficulties arise from surgical procedures?
How do you handle the disappointment or frustration that comes along with it?
So, who out there besides me handles this with consuming large quantities or amounts of dark chocolate and red wine??
Aww. I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been cleared for running yet. Injuries aren't fun. But I'm glad that you're posting again!
ReplyDeletethanks Rena!
DeleteHey there - how ironic that you would post this tonight. I was just seeking advice about ongoing pain that I have had in my abs, groin, etc. Is this the pain you are feeling? Please, please tell me more when you have time. You are a strong and inspiring woman. wish we could hang out!
ReplyDeleteHey Becky...I will write to you on your blog about the pain...I wish we could hang out too!!! You could carry me on your back while running your 20+ miles ;)
DeleteSorry you still can't run. That is a bummer. I'm going nuts just looking at a few days off, at least for now.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mike...hoping to "jog" a little though..ha ha!
DeletePsoas...yes. Girl, we need to talk. I can do that hand-inside-the-abdomen trick on myself now. Really deeply. And I can get that sucker to let the F go. Also, there are some really good stretches for it. But you probably already know them. I have been sending LOVE to my psoas in the hopes that by feeling love, it will soften :)
ReplyDeleteHeck, I'll make love to it if it that would help ;) Getting in there so deep feels like my "womanhood" is gonna fall out...
DeleteDo you think this is why we can't lift our leg up while lying down?
I didn't even realize there was a Psoas until recently. I had NO idea. Massage therapists are incredible people.
ReplyDeleteYou are a special and wonderful soul! And definitely not weak.
I'm gonna marry myself one in my next life ;)
DeleteRaina, you are always so uplifting and supportive to others...thank you for your kind words and inspiration. you are one of the first I look to for insight, motivation and truth!
Hey Girl- Hope all is going better. You have a great idea there about marrying a massage therapist. Maybe I should send Jon back to school! He would be VERY limited as to who he could massage though :)
DeleteHang in there. It takes a true fighter to get through stuff like this & you sound like you have the fight in our to conquer this injury. Sending some positive energy your way from Tennessee!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa...whree in TN are you?
DeleteI haven't had to deal with the hip surgery recovery, only the waiting. You are definitely entitled to feel like you do. My hip had me out of commission only 2 months, and I questioned if it would ever get back to normal.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought is not to listen to your doctor, and start running anyway. That might not be a good idea, but maybe you can get a second opinion, or look up on the internet how long recovery should take. If you think your doctor is wrong maybe do a few basics to test your hip out like stretching it, doing some dynamic stretching, and even some light and short jogging.
I'm not out of the woods on my hip yet, but I had a successful 14 mile run today. Some of the ways I knew my hip (psoas) was ready was when I could stretch the left and right hip/psoas and they felt the same. Also, I was able to do heal kicks without discomfort (bringing my heals up to my butt while running in place).
Hang in there. I feel your pain, or at least 2 months worth of it. :-)
Great advice...Yeah, I can definately tell a differnce from one side to the other...I can't even bend sideways to the left becasue it stops me...ROM and pain...thanks for the support ;)
DeleteOh my gosh, I do feel for you!! Did not have the hip thing, but I had the Achilles and PF from heel for two years and I absolutely understand the word disappointment. And a slew of other negative adjectives to go with it. No, running does not define us, but it sure makes everything in life that much better and without it, we feel sort of lost (and in in my case, a spare 18 lbs I can't seem to get ride of - bleh!).
ReplyDeleteOne thing I did when I didn't feel like my doctor was "right" was to go knocking on door after door. I wasn't looking for the one to tell me it was okay to run; I was looking for the one who told me what I was doing wrong. I never wanted a Band-aid, I wanted a reason why and it took several people before I could find the right one.
Keep being strong girl! And yea, I can so relate to not wanting to read blogs....it's great for awhile but then it gets really depressing knowing you're stuck in suckville and everyone's PRing everything in sight. Of course I was happy for them but then I'd feel horrible about my inability to walk across the room without wincing.
I know this won't help a lot, but one day this will be a distant memory - Be strong!!!
xo
Wow Jill...thanks so much...you totally get it! I know my doctor is right...he is amazing...I'm just stubborn...and mentally ready!
DeleteWish you were closer!
I am very sorry that you still cannot run. It is difficult to give advices because every injury has his story. I learned (but I am not sure I have really learned the lesson) that it is better to rest one day more before coming back to run. Also the crossing training is a good option: swimming, biking (stationary or outdoor) and gym. Swimming has always been my salvation. All the best.
ReplyDeletethanks a bunch...just got home from a 90 minute power swim as we speak...so I feel a bit "exhilerated"
Deletelearning the lessons are hard...hope your knee is better ;)
Oh, wow, soooo frustrating. Especially when you're expecting good news! I'm so sorry. And unfortunately, yes, I totally reach for dark chocolate when I'm stressed! Wish I could get a handle on that, but it's what I do. :) I hope the healing process speeds up and surprises you all!
ReplyDeletei could use a surprise laura...that sounds like a GREAT idea!
Delete;)
Sorry to hear about your news, but it's only a temporary setback from where you want to (and WILL!) get to...........you're obviously still able to train and stay active, just in different ways. Stay focused on recovery, keep a positive mental outlook, and you'll be back out there on the road in no time.
ReplyDeleteI'll be looking for you on my next run!
I will stay positive...I would love to see all of you on a run...how fun would that be?
DeleteOh man!! I am so sorry you didn't get the news you were hoping for. HANG IN THERE! It will heal and you will be running again. Take care of yourself, enjoy the chocolate and keep telling yourself that this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about a second opinion? One of my best friends was told she was out for six months, and then went to another doc and running specialist PT and she is running again just six WEEKS later...
Hugs!
i could go for a second opinion...but he is the best in the city for this and everyone else just follows what he says...i know he is right, just hard to listen to it for so long. I will hang in there and I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel...I will keep myself busy by reading and engaging in all of your amazing stories and experiences!
DeleteThanks!
Thanks for the comments on my blog! That is pretty tough. Injuries suck, but ones that are as long term as this just simply blows :( Hang in there stay strong and it will happen I'm sure of it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Indi...I love how you put it so simply...they do blow!!
DeleteMy instructor said sleeveless due to constrictor of full sleeved mostly.
ReplyDeleteyes...just the answer i was looking for ;) Thanks!
DeleteGrr, and grr, and grr again.
ReplyDeleteIt is OK to be disappointed, how can you not be?
Just remember, this is a snapshot in time ... and time moves on.
I know...I wonder how I will ever have the stamina to run lengthy miles again...great run for you today btw...
ReplyDeleteYour entire post is pretty much how I feel about the past year with being on and off injured. I now have a stress fracture in my right ankle that doesn't seem to be healing as fast as it should be it seems like. It's like I don't want to post as much about blogging because I don't have much running to talk about. My right ankle has been giving me more problems the past week, it is just annoying. Sometimes I wonder when I will ever be back to normal.
ReplyDeleteAnd wow on Louisville! That collapse by Florida was one of the worst collapes I've ever seen. That literally coughed that game away. With Louisville playing Kentucky now, you have a family dispute with your teams! haha I think it will be Kentucky vs Ohio State in the final, but we'll see what happens!
Oh Nellie...you're killing.me...come on, root for hte cards ;)
Deletei really hope your ankle starts to heal...and quickly! The weather is getting WAY TOO NICE to be sitting around !
Psaos I was saying...I believe I have had my womanhood felt pretty damn deeply as well...This is not a fun injury and I believe it lingers forever...as that is what i am dealing with. There will be a point though that you will be able to manage it. I think the problem right now is that it is affecting the other things....keep on keeping on my friend. I will see you in Room 4 later.
ReplyDeleteRight on Jillian ;) even though I can't move my arms right now...you?
Deleteoh friend. DANG IT. blah blah blah. i have no words. freaking injuries make me want to rip my hair out and hide in a hole. and NOT read blogs. or POST. and quite possibly make me want to accidentally run over runners i see in my car. (i have never really done that...promise.). i get it. i totally relate to the feelings you are having right now.
ReplyDeletei feel frustrated for you. when i feel pain or injury i just want to give it swift old kick in the ass and tell it to get on its merry way...doesnt this injury realize how much i NEED my daily sweat...specifically my RUNNING sweat. dang it.
i am thinking of you. it really does NOT define you as a person. not at ALL. but i know how frustrating it is to not get out there. you will be though. maybe sooner than you think...you never know. but regardless...know that i am thinking of you. and pulling for you. and maybe if the CARDS pull it out and win a championship...that will be enough for a 3 month distraction...right!?!
things happen for a reason...i do believe that. we dont always know or understand the reason in the moment...but later we will realize we were stronger for going through whatever it was! you are strong! and WILL get through this!!!
Sorry about the injury, I am always amaze as a runner what I learn about my body but just like everything this too shall pass and you will be back to your running self again. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIt totally sucks what you're going through. I've never had to recover from surgery but I DID have a serious injury once where I couldn't really do any running to speak of for 6 months. It's not fun ... but once you're better ... well, we all know the wait is worth it! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteBarb
My Running Shortz
I had to go back and read your first post to learn all about your surgery and original injury and surgery. My heart goes out to you, how humbling something like that can be, one little moment and your life is so changed. I hope you get healed up soon and back to where you were before. I have never had succh a disabling injury only ones that are minor in comparison. I can't even imagine how hard this all must be, but soon it will be over!
ReplyDeleteHey friend, I can't figure out another way to check in with you. Did you come to Kentucky? Hope it was a good trip if you did make it over. Kim
ReplyDeleteHi hunni, I am stopping by :-) I truly am so very sorry you are going through this. My hip injury didn't require surgery, thankfully but boy oh boy, it hurt everyday for over a year! Ice packs, heating pad, and gentle stretching became my best friend, along with patience. I have had experience with surgery, though. I have had 11 abdominal surgeries for Endometriosis, Adenymyosis, and also my appendicts (during my pregnancy!). I know surgery. Our bodies do amazing things and it will heal over time. Don't give up! I know how hard it is to wait, but you will arrive, soon ;)
ReplyDeletethanks for your uplifting advice!!! patience is key...I am glad you are doing well yourself!
DeleteI try my best ;) I have pain daily. But, I chose to accept it and adapt. Life must move forward, right? :-) Never give up! And your very welcome :-)
DeleteI had to have both psoas released after the FAI on both hips. I had a loud external pop on both sides. Doc said they were the tightest he had ever seen in 9 years. It has helped me alot. Was weak at first but the tendon scars in at a more lengthened state eventually.
ReplyDeletePaul
Paul...I want very badly to speak to you, but I cannot connect to your blog page. Tell me where I can find you! I am wondering if this will happen to me as well, and would love to chat with you inregards to what you went through!
ReplyDeleteWhere are you? Long time that we don't read your posts. Everything ok?
ReplyDeleteHave a good sunday.