Sunday, August 19, 2012

I'm all "Nerves" at the moment...

I just read one of my favorite blogs...and he dropped the "F-Bomb"...

so now it's my turn...

Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...
WTF is that?

Desensitization???  I am one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet.  I am always thinking of others and putting them before me, almost to a fault at times.  My actions are very telling of how I feel about others around me.

Flight over Fight???  For those of you that know me...I have never been one to give up a fight or quit!  I am a huge competitor, again by fault...and I don't like to lose...ever!  And for those of you that don't know me...Unless my actions would purposely hurt someone I care about, I would fight till the end!!

Pissed off???  Angry???  I would never use those words to describe me.  When I get upset I usually end up in tears because my feelings are hurt...Juvenile, I know...but true!  I get aggravated...frustrated...but never pissed off or doesn't get me anywhere in the end!

Weak???  Never!!  I refuse to be!!

how can these qualities be the cause of what's going wrong with my recovery? 
How could someone like myself let these negative characteristics take over...
or better
How could I ever have the nerve to let this happen?

Results of my EMG, or Nerve Conduction Test, and a long consultation with several doctors whom I was referred to, have come up with this "diagnosis" I guess you would call it.  The nerves surrounding my hip joint are "angry, and desensitized...causing my muscles to not function properly or "strengthen" as they should.  This, they say, is causing all the strange sensation, tingling, numbness weakness and pain! 

There is no known medical reason for why this happens apparently...and when it happened is another question that cannot be answered.  My surgeon believes it happened when he placed my leg into traction during my hip arthroscopy.  However, this other doctor, who hahppens to be the director of Education and Research for Pain management at the Hopital for Special surgery,  says it very well may have happened from the initial trauma or injury.  It is very hard to tell...It is very specific to each individual person and how their bodies react to pain.  I am 1 out of 4 patients that this has happened to after surgery...out of over 4,000 surgeries of this type performed by him.  Remember, this is a relatively new surgery...and his statistics are almost perfect!  I have no doubt that I have had the "best care" around!  I've always hated statistics btw...

But...not everybody I trust in my recovery is buying into this latest thinking...
and I am nervous about it!
I almost feel like I am "in the middle"
I don't like being in the middle...

Nonetheless, tomorrow morning I am heading back into NYC.  My fourth trip within the last 2 weeks in regards to this new situation.  I am scheduled for a Lumbar Sympathetic Block on the right side...

anyone ever had one before? 
It doesn't sound very fun...

I will be given an IV, as well as Antivan...they want me calm, yet awake.  It sounds similar to an epidural, only a bit higher.  The needle will go through the spine towards the inside section where these certain nerves are located that are  directly related to the specific areas of weakness.  The hope is that this will "quiet" the nerves for a short duration which will lessen the pain and allow me to work on strengthening these specific muscles.  Once the muscles are stronger...they will start supporting the joint better, and the pain should go away...

But will it?

I am trying to not think about it, or care...trying to "desensitize" myself to the thought of this procedure...

I want nothing more than to "fly" away from all of this...I have grown tired of the "fight"...

I am a bit "pissed off " that my body can't just heal itself normally, like other people.  Remember, I hate losing.  I am "angry" that not everyone I need on my side is in agreement...

I feel "weak" because I feel defeated...once again...

But I'm doing it anyway...
and boy am I nervous!

did I mention I HATE NEEDLES???


  1. My mother has had these epidural shots for back pain and I know a few other people that needed pain blocks for neck injuries. I hope it works for you and the procedure doesn't cause discomfort! The diagnosis completely makes sense! Good luck!!

  2. I just read the comment on my blog, so to answer:

    I didn't have any numbness, but that was a question the doctor asked me. He also told me if it's in the lower part of the shin, then it's more likely shin splints, whereas the upper shin/tibia is more likely stress fracture area.

    Like I recommended in my post, if it's not going away for her, have her see a doctor.

  3. So sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I hope they quiet your nerves!

  4. How maddening for you!!!!!! You are not weak- a weak person would have given up long ago. Keep searching for the answers that you need. Hm, needles - maybe meditate OR make a mental to-do list of all the things you have to get ready for school! Best of luck with everything - especially getting back to your students!

  5. Dear friend my thoughts and love are with you...this truly sucks, and you are right, youare NONE of those things. xoxo

  6. Oh man, how discouraging. Good luck to you.

  7. Look on the brightside. Even though you aren't better yet, the docs still have ideas of things to try. I hope this works for you. Good luck!

  8. Oh girl...been thinking about you a lot, even more when I saw Jon's blog post and you were there. I had hoped and prayed for better news for you by now, but I can't tell you how much I admire your strength to not give up and keep knocking on doors. Seriously, I know how frustrating and depressing it is (I went to psychologist during my foot fiasco I was so bad). You keep at it until you get the relief...and don't worry about the needles - just don't look at it and you'll be numb so all is good there :). My thoughts will be with you in MY, praying this is the magical golden ticket!

  9. Really just hoping that whatever they do hear works for you. I would be incredibly frustrated too. And I get sad - but MAD too, and you are right. It really doesn't help anything.

    I bet your reunion was SO fun! The grade school here in our town (different town than I grew up in) is k-8 and they feed into a high school that only has about 80 kids. Small school are really special!

  10. Agreeing w/ Jill on not looking. The 'diagnosis' makes sense and I hope the treatment is an amazing success :)

  11. I hope you can solve very soon this problem.
    Please have a look here:
    The doctor is a very good friend of mine and he succeeds in solving many problems without any surgery. If you want you can post some questions clicking on "Contatti".
    Best wishes.
    If you need more information my e-mail is

  12. I would be out of my mind in your position. Many prayers that this injury disappears for you. Hang in there & be strong. ;-)

  13. ahhhh! this sounds so overwhelming and scary friend! you are so strong to be approaching this and just going for it. im thinking about you so much right now! i hope this is the answer and you can move past this once and for all!

  14. Wow, that is a lot of stuff to think about. All sounds pretty crazy. Maybe your nerves are just inflamed and will gradually generate and regain feeling over time? No idea if this will happen, but hopefully it will. That surgery options all sound pretty nuts, but maybe that is the way to go.

  15. I hope it all works out for you. I will keep you in my prayers. I hate needles too and even hate to get my blood drawn! Hang in there. I know how frustrating this kind of stuff can be.

  16. Good luck! I hope you get some relief and some answers.

  17. Wow- I'm so behind in blog reading, so I'm guessing this is behind you now, but I hope it went smoothly. You're been dealing with all this stuff for Hope the end is in sight!

  18. Hey there hon! I hope things are going better for you. Give us an update soon. Hugs-

  19. I don't know the Jay Peak tri. I am actually doing one in NH this weekend.

  20. Hey sweet girl...didn't know how to email you so a comment will have to suffice :). I've been thinking about you like crazy the past couple weeks and hoping the last round of needles and the block went well. Thank you for your - as always - very sweet comments on my last blog truly make me smile every time I see you out there :) and bring me lots of hope and inspiration. Email me (just reply to this comment) or write an update soon so I know you're doing okay! *hugs*

  21. Jill~

    I am ok!!! I promise to get an update out real soon...very overwhelmed with getting back to school and teaching this year for some reason. Thank you so much for checking up on me...there are several of you out there that I need to personally thank for being such good friends...that I have never met in person ;)

    Got your hug, and I felt it!

  22. Poor mama. Sounds like you have been having quite the time. So frustrating. I have had months off at a time and the one thing I learned is to LOOK other places and try to not dwell in one place to long. It is sooooo hard but I tried to see around me and not miss today while hoping for a better tomorrow. Be strong, keep fighting (I like fighters) and stay positive. Praying for you.

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