"Psoas" you were saying...

I have been a bit absent lately...

I really haven't posted anything " running" wise in quite a while. 

birthday posts,

pictures,

some reflective posts...

but as far as running...

recovering...

not so much!

Okay...so, I have been a bit, um...bummed I guess you can say.  I have found myself only reading other blogs, and not really having the time, the energy or the gumption to write on my own.  I find myself at times reaching out to those who feel like me...frustrated too...with being injured and not participating in what we love and need to do.  Not the most healthy thing to do, but...


I have many other was of describing my mood, but quite frankly...does anyone really care?  I would think deep down not!  To keep it real, we all have our issues...we all have our injuries...and we all have our ways of dealing with them.  and I have been quiet...that's my way!

I have been a bit "blogless' lately because...seriously...

how can you write an entry when you have

nothing

to

share,

period...

or at least that is how is seems..."in the running world" that is...

no run to talk about...

no vlog to watch or laugh at...

no issues to question...

problems to seek advice to...

no "time" to get you pumped, or reflect upon, or get pissed at...

no great nothing...

I was waiting!

I was all ready to write about "my day" last  Friday!  I was anxious to share with everyone how I had finally "overcome" recovery and was able to begin my "running" journey again.  Excited to get back on the road..."back on track...

I had been strong...

i had been patient...

 i had been diligent...

 i had been positive...

 I had been trusting...

at least, I thought I had been...

I was so excited to run just a mile and lose my breath...huff and puff and feel so exhilerated by it.  So ready to accept all kinds of advice, tips and stories from those who inspire me and keep me driven...which is all of you out there reading this btw..so thrilled to feel athletic, strong and confident in myself...finally once again!


So satisfied with my attitude of  recovering from a HUGE setback...for me at least...and find out that I could be...and am stronger in the end!

I mean, don't you stop for red...
wait patiently during yellow...
and then race through  green and not look back?

What happened to my green light?

I'm not saying that I wasn't aware of pain still existing...or issues still unresolved.  I just figured that it may just be my body, or my mind creating it...and once on the road again and sore muscles worked through...and body and mind back in the game, I would forget about the pain, and issues...and all would be back to "normal"

I'm just saying...

So, when I walked into my 7 month post-op on march 16th, 2012 at exactly 1:50 in the afternoon...what I wasn't expecting was...

No, not yet...

I don't think that would be a good idea... 

let's work on this and that...

come back to see me in 3 months rather than the typical 6 at this point to re-evaluate. 

some people just run into more issues along the way...

you have some unique things happening in your body that isn't allowing recovery to happen at the normal rate...

if there are still problems, we'll take more images, a possibility of an injection to calm it...

we really don't want to have to go back in and "release" the psoas...

that will cause long term weakness, and we don't want that!

The psoas? Really?

trust me...wear more clothes...

Don't be fooled...they go deeper...and lower...
 into your WOMANHOOD!!!

This mf is keeping me from what i really, really, need want to do right now? 

What I desire for my sanity at this point?

where is my release?

For any of you out there who may wonder if I am/or am not this super runner...let me clarify something, or better yet ask a question. 

Does it really matter? 

Will it define me as a person, runner, teacher, wife, mother???  No!  Of course not.  But what it will do is create a sense of calmness that I have been patiently waiting for...
provide me an outlet no one can understand but the ones reading this post right now...
or encouragement that nothing...nothing...ever, ever will get in the way of keeping me down, 
make me submiss, 
or surrender to weakness.

I

am

not

weak...

But,  I am disappointed. 

And that's all...just disappointed. 

not pissed,

not aggravated...

not defeated...

just plain ole disappointed.

and life will

go

on...

I will continue PT...I will continue to listen...

I will continue to read your blogs for inspiration and motivation and reprieve...

but...in my opinion right now...

or"psoas I  was saying"...

HIPS

SUCK! 

and yes, Beth...injuries should, and are in my book ...

a four letter word!!!

Has anyone ever had additional difficulties arise from surgical procedures?

How do you handle the disappointment or frustration that comes along with it? 

So, who out there besides me handles this with consuming large quantities or amounts of dark chocolate and red wine??

Sunday Silence...

My children can talk to the animals...

Tanner feeding a Downy Woodpecker...
Elizabeth Morton Sanctuary in Sag Harbor, Long Island...


for some reason they gravitate to them...

Cooper feeding  a Downy woodpecker...

they must understand their innocence...

feel their compassion...

Brady luring in the chipmunks...

  

sometimes silence is god's greatest gift... 

I watch in amazement...

We stayed quiet and just listened and watched...

  

seagull...

wild turkeys...

hawk...

Peconic Bay...

Cardinal bird...
all the way from Kentucky I'm sure...

A downy woodpecker...

Unfortunately...my boys don't stay silent too long...

Happy 7th Birthday Tanner boy...

I'm thinking that,

you

had

fun...

How do your kids like to celebrate their birthdays???

What do you do as a family that makes it special???

How Would You Vote???

So...Let's Take a Poll.....

Do you go for a Run...Or do you go for a Jog???

Interesting question...one I'm sure that makes a few, or many "start twitching!!!" 

But let's just put things in perspective for a minute...just for a minute...

We strap on our shoes...our very, very expensive shoes...

We wear the right attire...

the best belt...

the most accurate garmin to record our every step, stride, and heel strike...

we have our gels, beans and goos...

headbands, hats, compressions sleeves...

Our buddies, training partners, ipods and gadgets...

we know our plan...how far we need to go, or how fast, or how frequent...

We understand our run...whether our body wants to or not...

we know our capabilities...be it easy...or difficult

But still the question remains...

are we running?  Or are we Jogging?

I think I know the answer...NO DAMMIT I KNOW THE ANSWER... 

 At least, I always thought I did...
when I was healhy,

strong,

fit

and capable...

I knew the answer when I was confident,

competitive,

knowledegable

and swift...

but now??? 

when you've been told your not quite ready...

not 100% stable...

not cleared to run.....yet...

If you only had to just simply lace up a pair of shoes...

Would you dare go out for a short jog?

How do you look at it now?
Is there a difference?

run...or jog?

I'm gonna go with Most votes count...............either way!!