I am a bit superstitious...
I think things happen for a reason. ..
I don't know why I think this...
I could reflect upon it and tell you,
I have many reasons for believing this way... but it would be quite lengthy.
So, let me spare you the "why"
and how about...just take my word for it!!!
So...when I didn't get picked for the NYC lottery...my mind started to wonder...
"What If?"
I know darn good and well,
(as do many of you that have read my posts and given me constant support and advice),
that
I
AM
NOT
READY
TO
RUN...
PERIOD!
at least a marathon that is...or a half, or a 10K...
I could probably pull out a 5K...but "officially" I can't...Hell, I've not even been "cleared" to run by my surgeon, PT etc...and when I've tried, it has caused me pain and discomfort. So, what was I thinking?
When one sets goals, they do so thinking ahead.
I have always needed something to
strive for,
plan for,
reach for,
dream about...
I set goals.
I don't necessarily talk about them.
share them...
or advertise them...
but this time I did...
right here...
I put it out there!
Why?
Well...many reasons...and again, I won't go on with this post, maybe another...
because now I'm superstitious...
As you know, I was suppose to be "better" by around the 6 month mark...some recover even sooner, I get that everyone's body is different! I underwent surgery on August 29th 2012...have been going to physical therapy two times a week faithfully, and a few bouts of ART therapy...and it has been well over 8 months!
I have yet to feel no pain.
Now, let me explain to you the pain...
IT IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE PAIN I WAS HAVING BEFORE SURGERY...
THAT WAS BORDERLINE CRIPPLING!
SO, I AM NOT COMPLAINING...
I'm just confused and worried!
worried about the ,"what if?"
For a few months now...my PT has been a bit confused by my lack of progress, concerned with my inability to do certain things, my frequent pain, my decrease in strength, my akward compensation, and quite frankly he thinks,
" something just ain't right!"
He has been wanting more images, more answers, something to explain or "show" why I am not healing fast and strong!
Yes, I have had hip flexor tendinitis...common with this surgery and LINGERS...
Yes, I have had and continue to have trouble with my psoas...
Yea, I have trouble with my SI joint and it continues to cause me problems...
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my PT after my latest appointment with my surgeon.
He was unhappy with the fact that they ruled it as a psoas problem,
more scripts and come back in a few...
he was annoyed that they didn't, nor did I, ask for...
an x-ray...
or mri...
to rule out the obvious...
My PT talked about reading up and researching problems or side effects resulting from hip surgeries.
He spoke about an "H.O. calcification " factor which can be common with hip patients after surgery...
I quietly panicked!
because I remembered...
I remember discussing this with my surgeon's head nurse before surgery.
Immediately following surgery for the first 7 seven days or so, you must take a medication called INDOCIN...
It prevents this HO. calcification growth.
It is almost like a scar tissue type "bone" that can grow, and once it does it can grow very rapidly and cause many problems.
I took this medicine...
but I was sick for days...
very, very sick!!!
I had an xray after my 6 week check-up and all looked well...
but that was 6 1/2 months ago...
I have had no images taken since.
so, when I didn't "get in" the NYC marathon lottery...
I
let go!
I gave in!
ther MUST BE A GOOD REASON why I wasn't chosen...
other than the obvious. ..
I told my PT I was ready to ask my surgeon for another MRI to see what's up because I am still no better than I was months back...
not much has really changed...
I am taking steps backward rather than moving forward...
an "Epiphany" he called it?
iI don't know...but he gladly made the call for me...
and now I wait!
and by waiting I mean until June 29th...Not until my next appt with him...
he wants it done there in his care which I get...
but WHY THE WAIT?
WHY NOT NOW?
What if it didn't show up on the first x-ray after surgery?
What if I started to grow for some reason afterward?
what if it was because I was so sick after surgery
for days I just kept vomiting...
I couldn't keep the medicine down...
what if this H.O. calcification is growing?
what if??
Now...My surgeon is one of the best medical doctors for this injury in this part of the country...
I can say that he has operated on the very best professional athletes in New York, and that this is the only surgery he performs...
I can say that he personally studied under Dr. mark Phillipon who was the first to attempt such a hip surgery arthroscopically...
I can say that he is the Co- Director of the Hip Pain and Preservation Center at The Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC...
I can say that I feel very lucky to be under his care and he and his staff are very approachable...
I can say that I have seen him more times in one month than my husband saw or spoke to his surgeon for his shoulder surgery in 4 months...
I can say that he doesn't take any patient lightly and his protocol for following up is amazing...
I can say that I have had "call back" appts when he has personally called me to "check in" on my progress and protocol...
I can say I have seen his personal PT's every time I go into the city for any appt, and they have been in contact with mine out on the island...
but let it be known AND understood...
It is the one I see on a weekly basis that I trust the most..
and the one I look to first for advice and support!
But what if?????
What if this is happening?
causing my pain?
or lack of progression?
What if he has to "go back in?
The only way to fix this situation is to "go back in"...(or possibly radiation)
statistically...this has happened I believe only once or twice in his career...
but, those who know me well...know that statistics have never been in my favor...
WHAT IF I OFFICIALLY
MAKE IT THE THIRD TIME
THIS HAS HAPPENED?
what if?
Do you ever have a feeling that something just ain't right?
Do you ever wish you had trusted someone else's gut?
Do you ever wonder if things really happen for a reason?
And if so...WHY?
Do you ever wonder..."why me?"
