I just read one of my favorite blogs...and he dropped the "F-Bomb"...
so now it's my turn...
Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...
WTF is that?
Desensitization??? I am one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet. I am always thinking of others and putting them before me, almost to a fault at times. My actions are very telling of how I feel about others around me.
Flight over Fight??? For those of you that know me...I have never been one to give up a fight or quit! I am a huge competitor, again by fault...and I don't like to lose...ever! And for those of you that don't know me...Unless my actions would purposely hurt someone I care about, I would fight till the end!!
Pissed off??? Angry??? I would never use those words to describe me. When I get upset I usually end up in tears because my feelings are hurt...Juvenile, I know...but true! I get aggravated...frustrated...but never pissed off or angry...it doesn't get me anywhere in the end!
Weak??? Never!! I refuse to be!!
how can these qualities be the cause of what's going wrong with my recovery?
How could someone like myself let these negative characteristics take over...
or better yet...win?
How could I ever have the nerve to let this happen?
Results of my EMG, or Nerve Conduction Test, and a long consultation with several doctors whom I was referred to, have come up with this "diagnosis" I guess you would call it. The nerves surrounding my hip joint are "angry, and desensitized...causing my muscles to not function properly or "strengthen" as they should. This, they say, is causing all the strange sensation, tingling, numbness weakness and pain!
There is no known medical reason for why this happens apparently...and when it happened is another question that cannot be answered. My surgeon believes it happened when he placed my leg into traction during my hip arthroscopy. However, this other doctor, who hahppens to be the director of Education and Research for Pain management at the Hopital for Special surgery, says it very well may have happened from the initial trauma or injury. It is very hard to tell...It is very specific to each individual person and how their bodies react to pain. I am 1 out of 4 patients that this has happened to after surgery...out of over 4,000 surgeries of this type performed by him. Remember, this is a relatively new surgery...and his statistics are almost perfect! I have no doubt that I have had the "best care" around! I've always hated statistics btw...
But...not everybody I trust in my recovery is buying into this latest thinking...
and I am nervous about it!
I almost feel like I am "in the middle"
I don't like being in the middle...
Nonetheless, tomorrow morning I am heading back into NYC. My fourth trip within the last 2 weeks in regards to this new situation. I am scheduled for a Lumbar Sympathetic Block on the right side...
anyone ever had one before?
It doesn't sound very fun...
and I HATE NEEDLES!!!
I will be given an IV, as well as Antivan...they want me calm, yet awake. It sounds similar to an epidural, only a bit higher. The needle will go through the spine towards the inside section where these certain nerves are located that are directly related to the specific areas of weakness. The hope is that this will "quiet" the nerves for a short duration which will lessen the pain and allow me to work on strengthening these specific muscles. Once the muscles are stronger...they will start supporting the joint better, and the pain should go away...
But will it?
I am trying to not think about it, or care...trying to "desensitize" myself to the thought of this procedure...
I want nothing more than to "fly" away from all of this...I have grown tired of the "fight"...
I am a bit "pissed off " that my body can't just heal itself normally, like other people. Remember, I hate losing. I am "angry" that not everyone I need on my side is in agreement...
I feel "weak" because I feel defeated...once again...
But I'm doing it anyway...
and boy am I nervous!
did I mention I HATE NEEDLES???
